Lately I keep seeing posts about stay at home moms and how their husbands “made it happen.” And while I truly believe staying home is meaningful, valuable work, I also want to talk about the message that often comes along with it.
Because when we say a husband “made it happen,” the quiet implication for everyone else can feel like this. If you’re working, your husband must not love you enough. And that simply is not true.
I’ve felt that twinge myself. Scrolling late at night, reading comments about how a husband “made it happen,” and wondering why it still stings even when I know better. It’s not jealousy. It’s that quiet questioning that sneaks in anyway. What does this say about us?
Many families need two incomes. Many families choose two incomes. Many families plan for the future, stability, emergencies, and long term security. None of that is a reflection of love. It is a reflection of real life.
A husband who supports his wife working is not failing her. He is partnering with her. Love shows up in shared responsibility, in hard conversations, in budgeting, planning, and choosing what protects a family long term. Sometimes love looks like staying home. Sometimes love looks like going to work. Both can be true.
Working moms already carry enough invisible pressure. The guilt of missing moments. The mental math of schedules and childcare. The constant effort to be fully present everywhere and feeling like we are falling short anyway. We do not need a narrative that quietly suggests we are also less chosen or less supported.
Working moms are not less present. Our kids are not missing out. They are loved deeply by parents who show up in many ways. They see strength, teamwork, commitment, and perseverance. They see parents who are building a life for them.
There is no single right way to mother. There is no gold standard that proves devotion or success. Staying home is valid. Working is valid. Choosing what works for your family is valid.
Love is not measured by whether one parent stays home. It is measured by sacrifice, teamwork, and shared goals. It is measured by showing up, day after day, in the life you are building together. And for many families, that includes a working mother who is doing an incredible job.
So if you are a working mom who has felt that sting while scrolling, hear this clearly. You are not doing this because your husband did not love you enough. You are doing this because your family made an intentional decision. And that is something to be proud of.
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